Dear Professor Blackstone,
I would like to use this opportunity to formally introduce myself. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in civil engineering with business in 2015 and am currently continuing my studies in the same field at Singapore Institute of Technology. My interest in engineering began with an idea to follow in my father’s footsteps as he started his career as an engineer. I realize at a young age that the career path of an engineer is one of stability and security for my future, it was in my final year of secondary school when I decided that I would walk the same path as my father and pursue a course in civil engineering.
It became clearer to me that this is what I want to pursue as a
career after my 3 months of internship with Kim Seng Heng Engineering Construction Pte Ltd. The company allowed
me to gain valuable insights with the first half working in their office where
they handle documentations while the second half was on-site for project Qbay, a condominium construction project in Tampines. The time I had spent there was truly
an eye-opener. The experience helped me realize my potential and gave me important
experiences which lead me to want to become a professional engineer.
One of my most beneficial qualities noted by my past superiors is
my ability to maintain a keen interest in any task that I have set out, such as
my goal to become an engineer that I had set out to achieve many years ago.
Though I have aspirations to become a skilled engineer, it never once occurred
to me that my language skills would be an equally important trait to have as
with any one of the common skills an engineer is typically expected to be
associated with. I have neglected my communications skills at an early stage of
my education which became one of my most regrettable shortcomings that I
hope to amend through your lessons. I wish to make significant improvements by
the end of this course.
I would like to end off this introduction by saying that I humbly
look forward to attending your lecture next week and many more of your lectures
that follow in the weeks to come.
Best regards,
Huan Choon
Revised: 25/01/2018
Read: Gordon, Haziq, Shih Chieh, Shumin, Wei Ming, Angela
Revised: 25/01/2018
Read: Gordon, Haziq, Shih Chieh, Shumin, Wei Ming, Angela
Dear Huan Choon,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative post. I enjoyed learning about your motivation for taking up engineering as you provide concrete details on your interests, experience and the family connection. You also detail the other areas required in the assignment, including your honest self assessment on comm skills.
In that regard, though this is a fluent post, there are a few language issues to take note of:
1) capitalization
-- a diploma in Civil Engineering with Business
-- pursue a course in Civil Engineering.
-- to become a Professional Engineer.
2) dangling modifier
-- Realizing at a young age that the career path of an engineer is one of stability and security for my future, it was... >>> (Who realized what?)
-- Having neglected my communications skills at an early stage of my education, it has become.... >>> (Who neglected what?)
3) punctuation
-- for project Qbay; a condominium construction project in Tampines
4) verb tense
-- ...when I decided that I will walk the same path... >>> when I decided that I WOULD walk the same path ('will' from a past perspective is 'would')
Despite these minor issues, you've done good work here. I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking up your time to read and give such a descriptive feedback. I have made the necessary amendments, and hope to learn more from you.
Best wishes,
Huan Choon
Hi Huan Choon! It is interesting to see how you want to follow your father footsteps to be an engineer. I also have difficulties in translating my thoughts into words on paper. Let’s work together to improve on it!
ReplyDeleteIn the 2nd paragraph, “It became clearer to me that this is what I want to pursue as a career after my 3 months of internship with Kim Seng Heng Engineering Construction Pte Ltd.” I think it can be, “It became clear to me that…”
In the 2nd paragraph, instead of repeating “the company”, you can use “this experience” or something else.
Besides some of the minor mistakes, I think it is a well written self introduction letter and I hope you will get to improve your communication skills after this course!
Hi Wei Ming,
DeleteThank you for taking time to read my post and this informative feedback. With regards to the part, “It became clearer to me...", I left it in such a manner as I mentioned it already became clear to me when I was young. But when I grew older the decision became clearer. As for the suggestion to change the reoccurring word, I will make the necessary amendments to it.
Cheers,
Huan Choon
Dear HuanChoon,
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that your letter is clearly written. I can easily understand your letter with no difficulty.
Your letter also comprises a lot of concrete ideas which shows me that you are very serious in trying to follow your dad's path as an engineer!
Best regards,
Gordon
Dear Gordon,
DeleteThank you for taking the effort to give me this informative feedback. I am sure this will contribute to my improvement and I look forward to seeing you in class.
Best wishes,
Huan Choon
Hey Huan Choon,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed learning your past experience and your passion in civil engineering. There is a tiny mistake I spotted.
-I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in civil engineering with business in 2015 and am currently continuing my studies in the same field at Singapore Institute of Technology.
—>… and I am currently continuing my studies in the same field at Singapore Institute of Technology.
Overall it’s good. Let’s work hard towards our goals for this trimester.
Best wishes,
Shumin
Hey Shumin,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read and leave such an informative feedback. I believe this will be very helpful with my improvement.
Best wishes,
Huanchoon
Hey Huan Choon,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how clearly this letter is written. The details were really concrete for the audience to have a clear picture of your life.
Your letter satisfies the 7C really well. Hope you get to achieve your dream of following your dad foot step. Looking forward to work with you in this module.
Regards,
Ziq
Hey Ziq,
DeleteThank you for taking the time and effort to give me this feedback. It really gets me going and I too look forward in working with you in this module.
Cheers,
Huan Choon